Tony and Stephanie Mendenhall grew up in the Rogue Valley and have been married since they were 19 and 21 years old. They have two sons, Matthew and Marcus who are both young adults. In December of 2015, Tony and Stephanie welcomed Patti Dunkin into their home. They have mentored, loved and coached her in her recovery over the last four years. Patti has since moved out but the Mendenhall’s consider Patti and her dog, Zeke, family.

In May of 2018, Tony and Stephanie and their boys opened their home again to Jonathan Gardner after he successfully completed a 90 day residential treatment program. Johnny has since moved out of the Mendenhall’s home. Patti and Johnny are a large part of why Recovery Café Medford exists. The Mendenhalls would not have established their non-profit and moved forward with the work they’ve done without these young people’s input, suggestions and support.

Stephanie:

Sometimes I wonder how I got here. How I earned the privilege of standing alongside those who are suffering. To most, I think what I do seems dangerous or crazy. Reaching out to people who are lost in their addiction is not for everyone. There are very difficult days; days where you feel unable to help and wonder if the situation will ever get better. There are also very rewarding days; days of immense joy and overwhelming pride. Days where people do something they never thought they could or accomplish something they knew was impossible. To witness that kind of success is life changing.

I am a mom and a wife. My sons are my greatest accomplishment. They are wonderful young men with a heart for others who give back to our community. They have goals and plans for their future. This was not an accident.

I am a wife. I have a lot of ideas about how things should be and I can be a challenge to live with when things don’t go my way. I married the right man. He is patient and understands me. He takes things in stride and helps me achieve my dreams. After 28 years, I’ve never once doubted that he is my forever.

I am a dreamer. I love a challenge and work pretty hard at most stuff and I never give up. I can see things in my head before they become a reality. I’ve decided this is a gift.

I am an ordinary girl who decided to say yes. It started small; talking to strangers, offering to buy a meal, listening when no one else would.

I have discovered something amazing! Shhhh, don’t tell anyone. This is between you and me. I am addicted to addicts. This isn’t a title I gave myself; it’s one that was given to me. When I talk to people who are struggling with addiction I see them whole. I see them healthy and happy, living the life intended for them. This is what keeps me going when most people would give up.

The truth is there are extraordinary people trapped in addiction, smart, funny, brilliant people struggling to get free, to breathe, to find peace and to live. I came to know this because I chose to see these people as people, not as their addiction. I go into ditches in the dark. I buy Greyhound bus tickets so people can reunite with their families. I take people to doctor’s appointments and occasionally the hospital. I go to court hearings and write letters addressed to prison inmates. I choose to love people regardless of their circumstances. I choose to see a person as a person who hasn’t been seen by anyone in weeks. I do this because if one of my sons were out on the streets, I’d want someone to reach out to him. I do this because I believe every person is redeemable and worth my time and effort.

I am an ordinary person with a willing heart. I say yes whenever possible and I never give up. I set aside fear and pride to bring hope and love to others and in return they bring great joy to me.

I am blessed. My heart and life will never be the same. My people are my purpose. They inspire me to continue doing what I do, one person at a time, one day at a time. The reward is a life changed, a heart set free and a ripple effect where people inspire others to give and grow and change. This is what I live for. This is who I am.

Tony:

There is something to be said for Erikson’s 7th Stage of Development in which individuals between the ages of 40 and 65 wrestle with the notion of generativity versus stagnation. I was living in stagnation. Sure, I was living a good life and “doing good.” But my life had become routine. I had enjoyed an amazing career in work that I had loved, which for reasons I can only attribute to God’s plan for my life, no longer made sense. Stephanie and I were raising two great sons who for the most part had everything and made us proud. We had been a family that loved others when it was convenient and easy. We were not one to take risks or expose ourselves to places or people who might cause us discomfort. We had been blessed with houses, cars, a retirement and health insurance. We were a family that had compassion at times but lacked passion. Our lives were ordinary, the same, day in and day out. But, God had a different plan, which he began to share with me.

According to Erikson, the individual in this stage of life’s main concerns are career and family. This is the time that people feel the urge to be productive and make contributions to things they value. At this time, they fear being inactive and meaningless. Success in this phase usually depends upon one’s effort to give something for the betterment of many. Major milestones may happen – children leave home, career path turns drastically, and relationships or goals change. This is also the stage when people experience the mid-life crisis; they struggle with searching for new meanings and purposes in their lives.

When the person fails to win in the struggle, he will feel unproductive and not involved which leads to the person becoming self-absorbed and stagnating. By overcoming this stage successfully, the person develops the virtue of “care” which is shown by giving unconditional support for children and for others in the community, society and even the wider world. People in this stage feel happy by making a positive difference and building a legacy or helping others through their own crisis.

As I searched for new meaning and purpose for my life, I slowly began to care deeply for others and exhibit unconditional support for those in my community. I had done many of the right things in my life to prepare for “game day” and it was time to get on the field. For those that have played organized sports, what good is it to attend every practice, strategy session, and run and lift weights if we never go out and compete in the games we have prepared for? As well, what good are the blessings of a beautiful home, financial resources and a great family if they are never shared with others? As a family, we began to say yes to whoever God sent our way. It was not and has not been easy but we believe that our purpose and this work had been in motion for some time. We have learned to trust that we are not in this alone and we have been blessed.

Marcus:

I decided to explain my contribution to our family's calling and how it has changed my life and others forever by sharing my story about how I met my friend/roommate/brother Jonathan Gardner.
Early in 2018, I found myself hungry for the opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives by getting dirty. From hearing stories almost every night of my parents meeting broken and addicted people and pouring hope and prayers into their life, I knew this was something I wanted too. Sure, I had gotten a little dirty before with other people we'd helped... I mean, I dedicated a beautiful sunny afternoon to accompanying my brother while he drove a woman to the bus station where we dropped her off with my mom so she could complete the right steps for the miracle she needed. And sure, I had occasionally prioritized driving my mom and a homeless girl around town until she came up with someone willing to let her sleep on their couch. This was sometimes instead of doing homework on school nights.

And as exciting as this was, I knew I wanted more....

Anyway, my parents came home one night after work and said they had met this guy named Johnny from the streets and they had taken him to dinner at Burger King. My dad had recorded a video and posted it on Facebook of him rapping in the Burger King parking lot. The moment I saw that video, I knew I wanted to meet him. From his lyrics I could tell he cared so much about his story and how much he wished the circumstances he was forced to swallow could have been different. I thought that was cool and I honestly wanted to see him rise from those circumstances.

I remember my parents saying how good it was to see him smiling even though he was really deep in his addiction. Over the next few weeks, my parents had been checking in on him at the laundry-mat (that's how Johnny says laundromat) every couple of nights. They mentioned that he was in really bad shape. My dad said his face looked like one big scab and he wasn't making any sense. One night my dad was about to go check on him at the Grand View Shopping Center and I said to my dad that I wanted to come. So he said "Let's go!" So we got in the car and drove over there. Turns out Johnny wasn’t doing well at all and he could barely walk. It was so bad we decided to take him to the hospital. Even though it was a school a night, me and my dad stayed at the hospital with him until after 1:00 in the morning. We got some antibiotics for his infected foot and gave him clean socks.

We took him back to the laundry-mat and rolled this truck tire he slept behind over to him and we prayed for him. Me and my dad would go to the laundry-mat about five more times to see him and talk about what his next steps might be. All of these nights were pretty easy for me except for having to see what addiction was doing to him. Johnny made those visits fun and he still makes everything fun.

Johnny eventually accepted help and agreed to go to detox and he completed a 90 day residential treatment program. He's been living with us for about five months now and is doing good; he is an inspiration to anyone who is looking to drastically change their life. He constantly shows me how to love others and work very hard when given a job. I get to look at him daily and it reminds me that I played a major role in raising him from the dead and the land of the forgotten and that I'm not done raising him or the next person when they come along.

Matt:

My mom asked me to write about our story from my perspective. I am the oldest son of Stephanie and Tony Mendenhall.

The Mendenhalls are a close-knit Rogue Valley family. My father and mother have two boys, myself and my brother. From a very young age, I have been involved in the work and vocation of my parents in Jackson County Public Health programs. I often tell people I learned how to serve God in church, and how to serve people in Public Health. Despite my parent’s meaningful work in program management positions they felt a stirring to do something radical.

When I was a senior in high school, and my brother was a freshman, my mother met a young woman yearning to begin her walk of recovery. This woman and her 90 pound pit bull needed stability in the form of a place to sleep, eat, and help to find social support. She came to stay at the Mendenhall house with preparations and support from my parents only days before Christmas, 2015. My parents were adamant that this new focus on addiction recovery was the call on their lives. This was their big “Yes” that they claimed to have been seeking. However, I found it to be disruptive.

I was supportive of my parent’s decision, but I faced many questions. I was about to create a new life for myself as I was graduating high school in just under six months. I questioned whether my parents would be responsive and dependable when I needed help making crucial decisions about my educational and vocational future. I questioned whether my brother’s high school experience would be anything like what I had. In essence, my questions are a reaction to change.

Most importantly, this new focus prompted a challenge for my conservative social perceptions. Perceptions are socially constructed by life experience and help guide the individual towards understanding themselves and the people around them. I perceived that people’s choices were the building blocks of their identity. I gazed upon this woman and only saw a human consisting of past decisions. However, my parents perceived this woman and saw the potential for a whole and healthy woman.

Over the course of two years being engaged in outreach to our community we reached over 60 people in all walks of recovery. As fate would have it, this woman had a gift for reaching out to the lost and the broken in our community. With her help and some others, we found people in 7-11 stores, city ditches, and parking lots. We provided “a nap and a sandwich” to a few in our family home, held hands in prayer with most, and referred many to local addiction treatment services in the Rogue Valley and beyond. People did not always respond with a commitment for health and wellness, but every person we came into contact with achieved a form of victory and caught a glimpse of a community striving to help them.

Once our family had reached 60 people it became obvious that our social infrastructure needed a more formal program and a public roof over it. In 2017, my parents filed to become a non-profit titled “Reclaiming Lives.” In 2018, we joined the Seattle non-profit “Recovery Café Network,” an organization aimed at providing a social circle model of loving accountability for those struggling with addiction while serving food and coffee in a cafe. My parents carefully considered a volunteer board of founders and chose to include me in that process. I am grateful for the opportunity to this day.

One thing I will never forget is the hugs you get to share with people. My mother is the best of us at this. A hug communicates affection, thankfulness, and trust. This embrace is the pinnacle of a process of being relational.

I would define all of my memories in this work as intimate on a human scale. We reached into the hearts and minds of people at both their strongest points and their weakest points; their most beautiful points and their must ugly points. To reach people in this way is to get moving and to be completely sold out. And here is where the difference is: my parents practiced compassion for people. The very practice of compassion is built on a foundational vision of another person’s best self. Otherwise, we’d practice compassion as a means for rather unimproved ends. Arguably, how is compassion different than passion? Passion is concerned about checking the “to-do” box for a cause you feel strongly about. I realized I wanted to see the success of a program instead of the success of the individual accessing the program. My passions clouded my need to learn about how to be compassionate, reclaim lives, and achieve relationships.

Today, I consider myself a different person than I was nearly three years ago. It was a process. Sometimes, the people we reached decided to reach into my intimate strongest points and my weakest points. I have shared many hugs with that woman my parents brought in my senior year of high school when I needed them most. If I were to give a definitive moment when I considered my perspective changed, it was the day I began to consider that woman my sister.

As for my many questions I had regarding my future: They all worked themselves out. I lead a life I am proud of. I didn’t need help from my parents on making choices regarding my future. I needed help from my parents to learn how to interact with people on a basis of love. All of the details that may have seemed unclear three years ago have unfolded into something profoundly life changing. It’s an honor to stand alongside my family and say “Yes” to Reclaiming Lives.

Patti:

When I take a moment to glance back at my life before I met the Mendenhall’s, I see a terrified, hopeless, disconnected, and ashamed young woman who only wanted to be unchained from her paralyzing addiction.

A new year, 2016 was about to launch off, and I had an overwhelming desire to begin a new chapter that could save me from myself. The Mendenhall’s chose to look at my broken circumstances, and saw a beautiful and kind-hearted human being who was desperate for a loving hand up. They took me in as their own, with open arms and graceful warm hearts; always accepting me exactly where I was, yet continually challenging me to thrive instead of just survive.
My name is Patti Dunkin, I am 28 years old, I have a 90 pound, five year old pit bull named, Ezekiel Zane. I’m super loyal, radically random, and I love tacos!

This is my story. . . .

In my recovery journey, I have faced many disrupting and destructive “speed bumps” that caused much heart-break for me and my support tribe. But through my mistakes I have gained a profound sense of belonging that has been flowing into my soul with the consistency of a majestic waterfall. Everyone longs to belong; we are wired to connect to others. This truth is what helps me conquer my roadblocks and speedbumps. The feeling of belonging also brings purpose to my life. I found such power and strength in learning that I, this lost and broken recovering drug addict, have an actual purpose in this world.

Stephanie has guided my aspirations to life. I am exceedingly grateful and so fortunate to have such a kind and safe soul come along side me. We share the same heart, a heart that breaks to see our community, lost and divided from what really matters . . . Love. With purpose on my mind and passion in my heart I found myself connecting with others that were still on the street and in their addiction. I wanted to give away the comfort and hope that I had received from Steph to whoever I felt called to give it to. My desire to inspire is truly on fire.

There came a time where a new person’s story intertwined with our story pretty much every day. Beautiful people who had just lost their way were finding a spark of hope because we took a moment to stop whatever we were doing to say “Hello, how are you?” Something as simple as lending a lighter can plant a seed of kindness that grows when watered with genuine concern and love. These divine appointments continued to pour into our lives impacting each of us radically! Our purpose had become one mission, Reclaiming Lives.

Recovery Café will be a safe place for all of us beautifully broken addicts. A place we get to live into our recovery by using true authentic connections with others to process any and all the “speed bumps” that come our way. I am so blessed to be a part of the Recovery Café Medford team to create a place to call my place, where I can share my compassion, love and story with others. I know Recovery Café Medford is going to ignite an uplifting shift for this valley. Our community will overcome the bad and we will rise by simply lifting others. Overcoming our weaknesses and our brokenness, we can bring our strengths and begin to grow by connecting with people. My goal is to show others that my biggest breaking has blossomed into my greatest blessing by imprinting these three powerful words on others. . . . BELONG, GROW, INSPIRE!

Johnny:

My name is Jonathan Gardner and I’m an addict. I’m writing this on October 8, 2018 and I have 218 days clean. I have tried getting clean before, however not having the right support or a genuine desire for recovery, I had failed. While I was growing up I had a lot of issues I was dealing with, at the age of 16 I was smoking weed and drinking on the weekends. I did not think I was an addict but I was in denial, I began needing it just to feel happy. Anyway, by the time I was 21, I was addicted to meth, and I had lost everything and everyone in my life because of my addiction. I got clean for a year and thought I was “cured” because I was able to live a regular life. At 22 years old while working at a fast food business I began seeing co-workers outside of work and they were smoking heroin so I asked them for a hit. Soon it progressed to using needles.

The life I built in a year of being clean was all washed away like a tsunami destroying everything in its path. I was hopeless and homeless again. No job, no family and no confidence in myself.

One day I met the Mendenhall family, they were there for me in my darkest time. They loved and supported me. I saw how much they cared about me and wanted only to help me, expecting nothing in return. Tony and his son Marcus would check on me where I was sleeping behind The Store on Roberts Road. They prayed for me and helped in any way they could. After meeting the Mendenhall family I got an infection and they took me to the hospital. I realized that if I didn’t take better care of myself I was going to die so I asked for their help to get into detox and rehab. They helped me get signed up for health insurance and checked me into detox. I ended up at Transformations Wellness Center in Klamath Falls.

While I was there I learned a lot of things about myself and my addiction, after 3 months I knew I was going to be getting out and I was scared not sure where I would live. Tony and Stephanie had offered me a place to stay after treatment if I graduated the program. Well, I graduated and the Mendenhall’s picked me up in Klamath. When I got back to Medford I got on probation and enrolled in outpatient treatment. Since then Tony, Stephanie, Marcus and Matt have all been a huge part of my life. They have helped me with countless things that I couldn’t deal with on my own. Now days, I want to help others like they helped me. I want to be there for someone like they were there for me.

If anyone is reading this who is still struggling, know that you are loved and you are important. No matter how bad things get, it is never too late to become a better person.